you've got it now...

there's power in Your name

2011-04-23T11:27:00.000-05:00

salvation. light. redeemer. love.

father. lord. judge. creator.

healer. sustainer. shepherd. provider.

The Lord has been each of these - and more- in my life. This Easter season (and year-round), it is my prayer that the Lord would be enough. That my soul would find rest in Him. And that through seeking Him, my life would bring him glory.

I will never find the words to do Him justice. I do know that where sin abounds, grace is infinitely more. I am so thankful that because of His love for us, He was willing to die a most horrible death to absolve me of my sin.

The cross I see...stained with righteousness,

There where sin should be...I find Holiness.

My Jesus came & conquered death for me!

Jesus, there's power in your name!

You have washed our sins away...

You have overcome the grave!

All heaven & earth will pass away,

But Your word will never change

And your love will still remain...

Power In Your Name

lyrics & music - Jarod Espy / Jonathan Espy

When all else fades, HE still remains.

Jesus, there IS power in Your name!

Say Yeah!

2011-03-17T09:48:00.000-05:00

(source)

Chicago River

(source)

Who all seen da leprechaun!?

Starting with the Man in the Mirror

2011-03-16T10:04:00.001-05:00

I've got a friend that is a semifinalist in a Christian music singing contest. Several things are asked of the contestants as they work their way to being the "WIBI Opening Act Champion":

record a current, popular Christian song that airs on the radio at least five times a week;
organize a Facebook page and get at least 1000 people to 'like' your fanpage; and
be interviewed by radio personnel at WIBI and have that interview aired.

All of that, plus being voted on at the semi-final competition, leads to being the Opening Act at Agape Fest in late April/early May. And it's a pretty big deal. There will be thousands of people there listening, and some big names in the Christian music world will show up to perform as well, so the stage has huge potential.

My friend's life is not one that points to Christ. In fact, I can honestly say, that I've never even asked him if he believes in the Lord, so I couldn't really begin to tell you what he believes. But I know what I THINK about him and his beliefs based on the way he lives his life.

I found myself harshly judging his intentions in this competition this morning while I was listening to his recorded single on the radio. I kept thinking to myself, "his life is not one that reflects the goodness and love and mercy and justice of God. So why is he singing about it and acting like he cares?"

And I broke down.

How dare I judge! How dare I look at someone else's life and think those things! Who am I to throw stones when my life is far from being what the Lord intends for me?

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measure to you.Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? HOw can you say to your brother, 'let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." --Matthew 7:1-5

My friend may not be the "best" example of Christ to others, but through this contest, the Lord's name is being made known. And for that, I am grateful. Praise be to God! that He would allow any of us to be used to tell of His great love for us.

For now, I'm going to work on measuring my life to Christ's. That is the only way a change will be made.

I'm gonna make a change

for once in my life

I'm gonna feel real good,

gonna make a difference,

gonna make it right.

I'm starting with the man in the mirror.

I'm asking him to change his ways.

No message could've been any clearer:
if you wanna make the world a better place,

take a look at yourself and then make that change.

(Man in the Mirror - Michael Jackson)

Things I Love: 30 Rock

2011-03-15T10:02:00.001-05:00

(source)

Tracy: Hey! What was that sound? It was opportunity knocking.
Jack: No one knocked, you just barged in.

Pete: We Hornbergers are famous cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one...just in case.

Tracy: If I won an Oscar everyone would have to respect me. My obituary would read Oscar-winner, instead of children's soccer heckler.

(source)

Tracy: [forgetting what floor he works on] Six! I knew it was a character from Blossom, but I couldn't find the Joey Russo button.

Jack: Yes my daughter is Canadien-American, but I'm going to treat her just like a human baby.

Tracy: What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers. Wordplay!
Liz: That is solid.

(source)

Tracy: Five years ago I saved your show! I rode in here on a white horse that you made me leave in the lobby.

Kenneth: I can talk to animals. Well not talk to 'em. I can take commands from them.

Liz: Your lizard cannot be the music guest on the show.
Tracy: Of course not! His album doesn't drop until December!

(source)

Sigh No More, No More

2011-02-18T11:07:00.001-06:00

Thoughts on the past few months:

God is good. So, so good. Countless times, He's taken care of me when I had not even the faintest hint of faith.
Good friends are hard to find. And I've got some good ones -- ones that speak truth into my life boldly, that encourage me in the best way, and that look out for my best interest.
It is nice to be loved by someone and feel that same way about them. Yep, I said it.
Legitimately working toward getting out of Illinois is the scariest thing. Putting actions to words takes some courage.
Mending relationships isn't the easiest thing to do, but is well worth it.
Time is fleeting...love those around you. Reach out to others. Love continually and unconditionally.

(Mumford and Sons -- Sigh No More)

2011-02-14T10:15:00.000-06:00

(source)

Here's to loving the ones you're with.

xoxo

2011-02-12T18:00:00.000-06:00

(source)

Today, I'm thankful for moments of absolute peace and clarity.

2011-02-11T12:32:00.000-06:00

(source)

Today, I'm thankful for beauty.

2011-02-09T12:48:00.000-06:00

(source)

Thankful for a Love like no other.

2011-02-08T09:58:00.000-06:00

(source)

Today, I am hopeful for the future.

God has big, big plans.

2011-02-07T17:06:00.000-06:00

(source)

Today, I'm thankful for the opportunity I have to work with children.

I pray that my life would greatly influence theirs for the better.

2011-02-06T12:45:00.000-06:00

(source)

Today, I'm reflecting on the goodness and beauty of the Lord.

So thankful for His provision in my life.

A Smile is a Good Thing

2011-01-17T21:04:00.000-06:00

Frown and you frown alone, but smile and the whole world smiles with you.

2011-01-02T22:11:00.000-06:00

Tonight, I watched Passion 2011 live and was both encouraged and challenged by the Word, via Francis Chan.

whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. then, whether i come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, i will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel without being frightened by any way by those who oppose you. (philippians 1:27)

Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Chan talked a lot about what that looked like in his life. How a lot of times, he would read through the Scripture and notice that his life wasn't matching up to what he said he believed. And at those points, he had to choose whether or not to change, so as to better represent Christ.

He spoke of believers in other countries with nothing to cling to but Christ and how their lives, their manners, were completely different. Their lives made sense to him. Their lives were lived worthy of the gospel.

He spoke of the raging consumerism in our country. Of our "bigger is better" lifestyle. Of our constant need to appease ourselves by finding the church with the 'best' music/pastor/childcare/small groups. Of our lives not matching up with what we say we believe.

Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Christ humbled himself. I work to build myself up as often as possible.
Christ served. I look to see what I can get from others.
Christ taught. I like to sit back and see what I can learn from others.
Christ gave his life. I am most selfish with mine.

If I believe what the Bible says is true...if I believe that Christ is who he says he is...then my life should match up to that. I should be seeking out ways to make my life more about Him and less about me. More about others and less about myself. Proclaiming truth rather than soaking up what others have to say. Pouring out my life so that others might know the love of Christ.

Conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Here's to learning what that means and actually doing it.

December is for Wishes

2010-12-28T22:56:00.001-06:00

won't you take this cup from me?

fear has stolen all my sleep.

if tomorrow means my death,

pray You'll save their souls with it.

let the songs I sing bring joy to You.

let the words I say profess my love.

let the notes I choose be Your favorite tune.

Father, let my be after you.

in this hour I see who I am is not just me.

give me strength to die myself,

so Love can live to tell the tale.

Father, let my heart be for you.

(garden - needtobreathe)

2010-12-25T21:50:00.000-06:00

The holidays are always an interesting time with my family. Lots of laughter, fake karaoke singing, games, general lack of any sort of polish, and screaming children make for a glorious uproar. As I grow older, I find that the holidays are a great source of joy, while at the same time being a time when I feel very alone and troubled in all the expected ways...wondering why I'm still single, living in the middle of nowhere, feeling disconnected from people that I love, and continually wanting to know when God is going to allow for the 'next step.' At the same time, loving the chance to be around my family to show them the Lord's mercy and love. To share with them the real reason we gather and celebrate.

[Enter conflict]: I am the least worthy person to carry the message of Christ. I refuse to change. I doubt. I lose words. Fail to explain things the way they should be explained. Show the worst of myself to the people I have known all of my life. I am a miserable example of the grace and mercy that has been extended to me. In a family full of nonbelievers...people I love...I shut down and lose precious opportunities to be Jesus to my family.

[Enter resolution]: For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. -Isaiah 9:6,7 (ESV)

The Christmas message is that there is

hope for a ruined humanity.

-Packer

Even before the creation of the world, God was thinking of how desperately I would need him. Before I was close to living, God's plan for my life was put into motion. Though I am the worst of sinners, unworthy of being called a child of God, his love was extended to me through his son.

The Christmas message is that there is hope for a ruined humanity. That hope is that God's word is true. He will do what he says.

Seek the Lord while He may be found; call to Him while he is near. Let the wicked one abandon his way and the sinful one his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, so He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will freely forgive. -Isaiah 55:6,7

2010-12-02T13:02:00.000-06:00

There are some girls I know that like to give each month a theme.

There's MeLissa.

And Lydia.

And Grace.

It makes me smile because they give their whole heart and belief to that theme. For one month, they commit to that one thing, in hopes of bettering their lives and the lives of others.

September was for ladies. October was for magic. November was for love.

December is for wishes.

My wish: that December would be about faith. That I would dare to commit to a deeper faith...the kind that will stretch and grow me. The kind that will bring about real, life-altering change. The kind that can only be explained by the One I was created to praise.

Potter Watch 2010

2010-11-17T19:00:00.000-06:00

Password: Gryffindor.

Somebody did this with their time. Maybe even their life. Enjoy.

Stay tuned for the next episode. Password: Expelliarmus.

Potter Watch 2010 -- Things Lord Voldemort Tweets

2010-11-16T22:29:00.002-06:00

Password: Mad-Eye

Shocking truth: the LOST island & Azkaban are the same place. Smoke monster was a dementor. Think about it...

Prince William is trending because he's engaged to Kate Middleton. Yawn. The only prince I'm interested in is the Half Blood Prince.

#nevertrust anyone, even yourself. Be honest, you're usually wrong.

Do not reach for the stars. They are giant balls of fiery gas. Waste of time.

I am beautiful on the inside and outside. Mainly the outside.

It's Veteran's Day in America. One day I hope to be a victorious veteran of the war against stupidity. Unfortunately, it's still going on.

Hide your kids, Hide your wife.

One of the Chilean miners finished the New York Marathon. What the hell did you do today?

Always remember that alcohol doesn't make people do stupid things. People do stupid things because they're stupid.

Lil Wayne is free, baby. I might be more excited about this than when I released the dementors from Azkaban.

You know what I can't stand? People.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

Stay tuned for the next episode. Password: Gryffindor.

**follow on Twitter @Lord_Voldemort7

Potter Watch 2010

2010-11-12T21:09:00.000-06:00

Password: Mooney

WARNING!!!

Stay tuned for the next episode. Password: Mad-Eye.

Potter Watch 2010

2010-11-12T15:56:00.001-06:00

One week from today, I'll be on my way to Pensacola, FL to celebrate a birthday and the return of Harry Potter (and frienemies) to the big screen.

I won't lie...I am beyond excited. Here's why:

1. Potter-a-thon with three of the people I love the most...taking it back to the hallways and couch cushions at NGU 2009.
2. I have my own wand...and time-turner.
3. I'm not afraid to use a silent spell on someone. Go on, try me.
4. Wizards, wands, dragons, goblins and house elves are better than vampires any day.
5. Words like "Gringott's," "disapparate," "unforgivable curse," "occlumency," "veritaserum," and "Albus Dumbledore" just make my heart happy.

Stay tuned for the next episode. Password: Mooney.

...all photos from weheartit.

To Jury...or Not to Jury

2010-11-09T12:06:00.001-06:00

I'm not quite sure of the process, but I've never been called for jury duty. I'm suppose I'm just counting myself lucky thus far. My mom, sister and dad have each been called multiple times...not that they've served every time...but they've been called.

Part of me thinks that it might be interesting to sit through a case, hear the facts, and take part in the process...but the other part of me thinks it might be extremely stressful to have the fate of someone in the hands of my interpretation of the facts and evidence...even when it's cut and dry.

My mom is serving jury duty today (and possibly tomorrow). In honor of her performing this civic duty, here are some hints to help you (maybe) in the future.

1. In many states, it is possible to demonstrate that you are unable to serve on a jury for financial reasons. Proof of employment and/or wages, in addition to comprehensive financial statements and the previous year's taxes should all be brought to court with you on the first day you report to jury duty. If you can persuade the judge that it is unfeasible for you to miss work, you will have lost only one day of your time. Lying here would be inadvisable.

2. Request a change of date. If you can get a change of date, ask for December. In December, there is a far greater chance that most trials will be delayed or moved, and you may never actually get called in, while at the same time you are still fulfilling your civic duty.

3. Use a risky loophole if you're in California. The following point constitutes fraud if you are caught and could result in possible 20 days in jail. One tack to try: Explain to the judge that you have a pressing, pressing commitment in the next week or two, and that you would be happy to re-schedule your jury service two weeks hence because of this very pressing work or personal commitment. Most judges will agree to let you come back and repeat jury service in two weeks, even if your commitment doesn't rise to the level needed for him to just let you go scott-free. However (and here's the catch), by state law you will have served your jury service already merely by dint of having appeared for a day, even without being selected for trial. When you return to the jury room, instead of getting your jury service rescheduled they will hand you piece of paper certifying you have completed it. Voila!

4. Attend jury duty if you don’t come up with an acceptable excuse. "Play smart." Many attorneys wants jurors whom they can persuade one way or the other. Try to demonstrate education, intelligence, and logical reasoning. In many jurisdictions, lawyers, judges, and police officers are categorically barred from jury duty because they are too informed on the subject. (In California this applies only to the latter.) Similarly, doctors are almost always excused from malpractice cases, bankers from embezzlement cases, etc. It is not, however, unheard-of for a sitting judge to be seated as a juror.

5. Mention the right of a jury to "veto." In short, it allows a jury to return a verdict of "innocent" when the accused is clearly guilty, because the jury disagrees with the law that was broken. You probably want to read up on this before your jury duty. This is a right held by the juror and affirmed by the Supreme Court, but one that both prosecutors and judges usually deeply loathe, if they even acknowledge its existence. You will almost certainly be excused from the jury for holding unacceptable views, but if not, you will be better prepared for the experience from your research.

6. But remember, once you have been sworn in always tell the truth.

7. Just say you're a student. In most cases, missed work can be made up, but not missed lessons/lectures. it's a perfect excuse.

8. George Carlin offered the best suggestion: Tell the judge you'll make a great juror, as you can spot guilty people just by looking at them.

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Out-of-Jury-Duty

2010-11-07T20:49:00.000-06:00

O God, do not keep silent; be not quiet, O God, be not still.
-Psalm 83:1

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.
-Lamentations 3:22-26

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.
-Isaiah 61:1-3

I called on your name, O Lord, from the depths of the pit. You heard my please: "Do not close your ears to my cry for relief." You came near when I called you, and you said, "Do not fear." O Lord, you took up my case; you redeemed my life.
-Lamentations 3:55-58

"For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect."
-2 Samuel 22:32-33

"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the god we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."
-Daniel 3: 17-18

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
-Matthew 5:6

Yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
-Isaiah 64:8

Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favor from the Lord. But whoever fails to find me harms himself; all who hate me love death.
-Proverbs 8:34-36

But as for me, I will always have hope...
-Psalm 71:14a

Yet I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and my deliverer; O my God, do not delay.
-Psalm 40:17

Definition of the Week

2010-11-03T10:24:00.000-05:00

¹enough adj \i-ˈnəf, ē-, ə-\

: occurring in such quantity, quality, or scope as to fully meet demands, needs, or expectations <enough food for everyone>

...this is one I'm committing to memory...

2010-11-01T22:43:00.000-05:00

For a while now, I've been wrestling with ridiculous feelings of inadequacy, doubt, lameness, loneliness, crazy, and almost everything else under the sun. And by a while...I mean a good while. This isn't a two-week fever...it's more like a months-long battle with everything I don't know how to handle.

I know the Lord has plans for me, and I believe that...but this waiting thing is starting to take its toll on me. And I'm letting it.

I struggle with consistency in the Word and prayer.

My attitude is horrible.

Sleep is off.

Rather than being excited for others, I find jealousy creeping in.

...etc.

I was talking with a friend last night about yesterday's message at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville, TN.

Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John. But John tried to deter him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?" Jesus replied, "Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness." Then John consented. As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and lighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased." -Matthew 3:13-17

In that moment, God was pleased with his Son. In that moment, God said to those who would hear it that Jesus was enough. The Son that came to this earth to fulfill all righteousness by living a sinless life, taking the world's sin upon his shoulders, being crucified on a cross...shedding His pure, sinless blood for every undeserving soul in the world...was enough. And God was pleased with what his son had done.

Obey.

I'm so worried about why there aren't any jobs. Why I'm stuck in Illinois. Why no boys love me. Why everyone else gets to have friends living in the same time zone/city/house. Why I'm not hearing from God. Why nothing is "working out" for me.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. ...how selfish.

While I was busy thinking about myself, I lost sight of who He is.
While I was busy thinking about myself, I quit trying.
While I was busy thinking about myself, I let Satan in.

I'm not promised a glamorous life. I'm not even promised an easy/good life. But I am promised a friend that sticks closer than a brother. I am promised the Healer, Sustainer, Maker and Ruler of all things.

I'm going to quit thinking that He's forgotten about me.
I'm going to start believing that my life has worked out...just not the way I planned it.
I'm going to remember that He is good...and He is enough for me.

My Broken Cisterns Never Could Stay Filled

2010-10-19T20:58:00.000-05:00

So I'm not sure why it always flows downhill

Why broken cisterns never could stay filled

I've spent ten years singing gravity away

But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out

With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt

I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away

But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows

I tried to find a cure for the pain

Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do

It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins

We're either writers or fools behind the reigns

I've spent ten years trying to sing it all way

But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows

I tried to find a cure for the pain

Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do

It would be a lie to run away

A lie to run

It would be a lie

It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling

Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows

I tried to find a cure for the pain

Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do

It would be a lie to run away

(Jon Foreman-The Cure for Pain)

Definition of the Week

2010-10-06T17:51:00.000-05:00

ex·haust·ed Adjective /igˈzôstid/
Synonyms:
- adjective: spent, weary, worn-out, tired
- Drained of one's physical or mental resources; very tired
  - I was cold and exhausted
  - she returned home, exhausted from her day in the city
- (of resources or reserves) Completely used up
  - Karl spat, his patience suddenly exhausted

Fay-Vo-Rit

2010-10-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

It's no lie. I've always been partial to October.

Maybe it's because of football.

Maybe it's because the leaves have really started to change and the colors are gorgeous. Maybe it's because of playoff baseball and the World Series. Maybe it's because of corn mazes and costumes and too much candy.

Maybe it's because of bonfires and haunted houses and hayrides.

Maybe it's because I get to celebrate my birthday.

Maybe it's because you get to carve pumpkins and light them up with fire. Maybe it's because the people in Kenova, West Virginia devote themselves to an amazing array of pumpkins each year...at one house.

Maybe it's because you get to run around screaming "BOO" and aren't held accountable for it. Maybe it's because Harry Potter seems the most real in October.

Man. What a great month.

I'm Not Your Ghost Anymore...

2010-10-03T18:44:00.000-05:00

I know I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half a life

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half a life

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are

Christina Perri -- Jar of Hearts

I Was Just Thinking

2010-09-27T16:57:00.000-05:00

...maybe if I got shoes like these,

...I'd be set for life.

Think about it...help a girl out.

Breathe. Sigh.

2010-09-24T13:06:00.000-05:00

Man, I love these kids...but sometimes, I just feel like this:

I can feel it...can you?

2010-09-21T15:11:00.000-05:00

For a while now, I've felt like this:

At a stop, with nowhere to go.

Hoping to find the place/people that are the perfect fit.

Now, it just seems there are so many options...

...and no direction.

That is freeing. And absolutely terrifying all at the same time.

Which really makes me realize that this...

...couldn't be more true.

I'm excited, nervous, scared, ready and willing for the next step. Lord, let me be patient and graceful as you mold and shape me into the woman you want me to be.

Change is coming. And I can feel it.

You've captured my heart...

2010-09-02T13:37:00.000-05:00

I've started back at the beginning of the Bible,

making my way through the Word in a year.

I'm not going to lie...I thought it would be a

painstaking process, but I've really enjoyed

every moment I've spent digging in.

I made a promise to myself that I

would wholeheartedly seek out what

God has for me . And that I would allow

it to change me...word by word. And it has.

In the beginning God created

the heavens and the earth.

genesis 1:1

"I will make you into a great nation and I

will bless you; I will make your name great, and you

will be a blessing...and all peoples on earth will be

blessed through you."

genesis 12:2, 3b

Then the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old? Is anything too hard for the Lord?...

Genesis 18:13, 14a

"I am with you and will watch over

you wherever you go, and I will bring

you back to this land. I will not leave you

until I have done what I promised you."

genesis 28:15

"You intended to harm me,

but God intended it for good

to accomplish what is now

being done, the saving of

many lives.

Genesis 50:10

(of the Israelites)...But the more they were oppressed,

the more they multiplied and spread...Exodus 1:12a

The Israelites groaned in their

slavery and cried out, and their

cry for help because of their

slavery went up to God. God heard

their groaning and he remembered

his covenant with Abraham , with

Isaac and with Jacob. So God looked

on the Israelites and was concerned

about them.

exodus 2:23b-25

The Lord said, "Who gave

man his mouth? Who makes him

deaf or mute? Who gives him sight

or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord?

Now go; I will help you speak and will
teach you what to say."

exodus 4:11-12

I am two days into Exodus and I'm contemplating just reading the whole book...it's that good.

Honestly, I can't wait to see what God has in store for me through the reading of His word.

take me home...

2010-08-30T13:07:00.000-05:00

For the last few years, I've been wondering when and how to get out of Illinois. And when I use the words "get out," it seems horrible to me...but that's what I want to do...get. out. I've missed community and fellowship. I've missed accountability, encouragement and learning from others. And I'm ready for that again...

I've been praying and talking a lot with friends about where to go and what to do, and ultimately, it comes down to the same thing...maybe I just need to go and trust that God will be wherever I choose. Maybe this is one of those times where He's given me the go-ahead and I just need to take a step on faith and see what's in store for me. I'm beyond scared about that, but I believe that God is who he says and I'm ready to see faith put into action.

If that's the case...these are cities I've put on a list. And this list of cities is strictly based on where I have a base of friends. Cities where, if I lived there, I could plug in somewhat easily and feel a part of things.

(in no particular order)

Dallas, Texas

Atlanta, Georgia

Fresno, California

New Orleans, Louisiana

Nashville, Tennessee

Again, this list of cities is solely based on having a pocket of friends there already. Right now, I'm praying hard that God would show me where He has me...and if not, one of these days (soon), I'm going to make a decision and trust that He'll take care of me wherever I am.

from the journal (8.18.10)

2010-08-18T23:13:00.000-05:00

Then the Lord said to Abram, "Why did Sarah

laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that

I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

Genesis 18:13-14a

I know my problem is a lack of faith.

Like Sarah, I laugh at the thought of God being able to do something rather

than actually believing HE IS MORE THAN ABLE.

And not only do I laugh, I lie about it when called out.

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

He knows my thoughts, my motives.

He knows my past, present, and future.

He knows my hurts, struggles and shortcomings.

He knows my triumphs, my joy, and my love.

He knows my sin.

He knows my heart.

He knows.

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

Now, it's all about believing.

Really believing that nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:39).

Knowing, in faith, that nothing is too hard for the Lord.

...help. me. believe.

2010-08-16T00:28:00.000-05:00

"Jesus has not given us an effortless step-by-step formula for impacting nations for his glory. He has given us people, and he has said, "Live for them. Love them, serve them, and lead them. Lead them to follow me, and lead them to lead others to follow me. In the process you will multiply the gospel to the ends of the earth."

--David Platt, Radical

...from the journal (8.12.10)

2010-08-13T00:21:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I noted God's hand on David.

I saw that again today, but I also saw David stick true to what God had for him. Throughout David's days, he's given options and he seeks out what God has...

"he (David) inquired of the Lord,"

"Once again David inquired of the Lord and the Lord answered him"

(1 Samuel 23:2,4).

Can it really be that simple?

Do I believe in the power of prayer?

I know it wasn't the main focus of these passages, but it's hard to miss what happens when there is an open line of communication with the Lord.

David couldn't help but ask because he knew that God would lead him the right way. So asking God was David's only option. And maintaining that relationship with the Lord enabled David in more ways than he could ever have imagined.

How much more for me if I would open and maintain communication with the Lord!?

The Lord rewards every man for his righteousness and faithfulness.

--1 Samuel 26:23

here's where I am...

2010-08-08T12:26:00.001-05:00

nothing can separate, even if I ran away.
Your love never fails.
I know I still make mistakes; You have new mercy for me everyday.
Your love never fails.

You stay the same through the ages.
Your love never changes.
there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning.
and when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid.
because I know that You love me.

the wind is strong and the water's deep
but I'm not alone in these open seas.
Your love never fails.
the chasm is far too wide, I never thought I'd reach the other side.
but Your love never fails.

You stay the same through the ages.
Your love never changes.
there may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning.
and when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid.
because I know that you love me.

You make all things work together for my good.

[your love never fails -- jesus culture]

fa-fa-fa-fast forward!

2010-03-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

here's who I get to see in about a week's time...

cannot. come. soon. enough.

mmm whatcha say

2010-02-21T11:35:00.002-06:00

I've come to the conclusion that I am way too comfortable with where I am...which is weird, because this is not necessarily where I want to be. I've let myself get caught up in me, which has caused me to become less interested in those things that I've professed to love and care for.

I don't want to complain about my situation because I am extremely blessed, but I can say that with a mixture of my selfishness and my feelings about where I am, I've become lazy in regards to a lot of things.

God -- The Creator of the universe has chosen to call me his own, yet I have been selfish and allowed other things to get in the way of my life truly being transformed. I have been praying for a long time that He would bring me back to where He wants me, but for that to happen I need to start believing that He will do that...and allow it to happen. It's time I quit wasting the time He's given me and actually do something great with my life.

Friends -- I have been blessed with some crazy amazing friends and I've let the fact that I don't live close to many of them really get me down. I'm good at keeping in touch with a few, but I let a seemingly "mundane" life get in the way of really loving the people that I have been lucky enough to call "friend." Regardless of distance, I am called to love...and these are people that I don't want to let down...or miss out on what God is doing in their lives...or miss out on what God can do through my relationship with them. Today, I choose to love these people that God saw fit to place in my life.

Jonathan and Lindsay -- thanks for being fantastic. Thanks for panicking when you couldn't find me in my room at camp that one day. Thanks for taking mass amounts of photos with me so that I could have too many to choose from. Thanks for letting me vent, but not allowing that venting to consume my life (or yours). Thank you for always speaking truth into my life and for being there all of the time...you two mean the world to me and are greatly appreciated.

Deez -- You are simply fantastic. I love that you are an amazing woman of God. I am constantly learning from you. You have been a steadfast source of encouragement and hope and I am beyond blessed to have met you. Thank you for allowing me to vent, for listening, and for giving me some of the best advice anyone has ever given. You are a true Godsend.

Sarah -- What a sweet lady! You are one of the funniest people I know. Your constant love for others is something I admire and someday I hope to be able to show that same love to others. I appreciate your willingness to listen, the names that you give to others, and funny recreations of pictures at Bellevue Baptist Church. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life even though we are 480985098 miles apart.

Nugget -- You are so you. So laid back. So willing to kill over dirty dishes (ha!) and such a lover of people. I am blessed to say that I know you. I love that I never know what to expect with you -- just when I think I've got you figured out, you surprise me once again...and that is one of my favorite things. Ever. Your prayers and advice over the past year have been a monster help and I can't tell you just how thankful I am for you.

Erin and MeLissa -- I'm not even sure how to explain what your presence in my life has done. They say that laughter is the best medicine, and when I'm around the two of you, I really believe that. I'm so thankful for your love for Nickelback and all things eating healthy (remember that pie? or playdoh? or whatever it was?). But really, I'm just thankful for you, as people...sisters, because you two have managed to speak an amazing amount of truth into my life. Thanks for being willing to take out a baseball bat and do work when I need you...that, in itself, is enough.

Jessi -- you live all the way on the other side of the country now, but you still manage to be one of the best ladies on the planet. Thank you for sending me a real-life valentine! Thank you for your constant words of encouragement, love and truth. Thank you (seriously) for being one of the best examples of a godly woman that I have ever seen. You bless my days, and I love you oh-so much.

Valerie -- to the one girl who lives close to me, I am SO thankful! Our Sunday dates, trips to the airport, and straight up walking the streets of St. Louis have been some of the best times I've had in the last few years. You have an amazing spirit and I am so glad that the craziness of NGU was able to bring us together. I love our vent sessions and how we pick up as if no time has passed when we see each other.

Molly -- I don't even know what to say about you, except that you have been one of the biggest influences on my journey. I have seen God do amazing things through you and I am always excited to hear about your life -- because you are always doing something grand. I love that you are real...all of the time and that you don't put up with my crap. I am beyond blessed to call you friend. I mean, everyone needs someone like you, don't they?

Jamie -- Since 2006, you have been one of the biggest influences for me. Your ridiculous strength, faith and wisdom have helped to guide me. I am so thankful for your witness and your love for others...I really have learned so much from you. Thank you for being willing to teach me, listen, drink Dr. Pepper, give me all of your candy canes and for just being there. You are one fantastic woman.

Well, that turned into a long post...but it was definitely necessary. God has given me life...and I refuse to waste it any longer. Your prayers are greatly appreciated as I seek to get priorities back to where they need to be. Love.

Enjoying Life...and with good reason.

2010-01-24T13:43:00.000-06:00

list. list. list of reasons to celebrate.

renewed grace, each and every day. smiles. being close-to-done with classes. singing. colts football. cheerleading competitions. spongebob shaped macaroni and cheese. uk blue snuggie. curly hair. jokes. trips to visit friends. snarky comebacks. sleep. skinny jeans. my toms (or Thomas', as JEspy would say). harry potter -- books and movies. tights, tights, and more tights. laughter. skype conversations. text messages. sound effects. receiving mail. quality conversations. the beginning of student teaching. plane flights. my ninth grade girls from Picayune. thoughts of graduation. kitkats. funny gifts. Lost. ballet flats. belts. scarves. creating things. continued work on loving others. being encouraged by good friends.

see? life is good...

2010-01-22T15:15:00.000-06:00

Today was my last formal day of observations before I start student teaching on Monday (yay. Yay. YAY). The next 16 weeks will be an intense time of me "playing" teacher and learning from someone who is already in the profession. I'm really excited to get started because this is something I've been working hard at for the past two years.

That said: this semester will take a lot out of me. I'll be doing all the work of a teacher without getting paid. I'll be investing in kids' lives and learning what it means to reach out to and connect with them on an educational level. Sounds easy enough...

I'm hoping to be better about keeping up with this blog from here on out...I'm asking that you (my creeper friends) would help to hold me accountable to some things during this time.

My prayer this semester is that:
      -I would seek out wholeheartedly what His plan for me is...no reservations. no regrets.
     -God would take me and turn me into the teacher he wants me to be.
     -I would be so in love with the kids placed in my path.
     -I would make it my ministry to serve them in whatever capacity I can.
     -all the work and time that has been put into getting to this point would not be in vain.

love.

it never gets old --

2010-01-05T15:17:00.000-06:00

i will always love these.

a year in pictures...

2009-12-23T12:58:00.000-06:00

laughing all the way. [ha-ha-ha]

2009-12-02T14:02:00.000-06:00

just when you (and I) thought that life was dull and boring sometimes...

JEspy already flew out there and kicked him where it counts...see? You don't want him!
He's damaged goods! -- Lindsay Evancho

Shasta, You may be wondering...Who's Shasta? Why is this piece of paper sort of a triangle,
or why do fools fall in love? But all you REALLY need to know is...

don't make me take this shoe off and throw it upsidet your headt! I love that trash.

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sha-shake it! Les-Les-Les-Leslie Metcalf! --Sherqwnt (Jeremy Wicker)

Me: You need to have all four chair legs on the floor. That is very dangerous.
Tyrist (2nd grade): I don't need to be safe. I'm seven!

Ian (2nd grade): Miss Metcalf, why are you wearing a skirt?
Me: Why aren't you?

Cousin Jackie: Come here, Caydence.
Cousin Brittany: We call her Tink.

Cousin Jackie: Tink? You should be calling her Tank!

Miss Metcalf...I have my own MySpace. Do you have a MySpace? --Marten Cates, Jr. (first grade)

Trevor (2nd grade): Miss Metcalf, how old are you?
Me: Twenty-six.

Trevor: Can we date?
Me: That's probably not the best idea.

heyo...ZAP! --JEspy

Me: Laura, what's something we can do outside on a sunny day?
Laura (3rd grade): SEAWEED. [hahahahaha]

breath of heaven [creepy style]... --cousin Jackie

MMM! Dang, girl!

--randon man on Memphis trolley

ATTENSHUN! My grandmother is gone and won't be back for a long time!
--Marten Cates, Jr. (first grade, then, kindergarten)

I say, GIVE ME THAT NUMBER and it will happen! --MeLissa G.

[BJ, then, kindergarten, tapping on my shoulder]

Me: Yes?
BJ: I have two secrets to tell you.

Me: What are those?

BJ: One (holds one finger up). You look very pretty today.

Me: Why, thank you.

BJ: Two (holds two fingers up). You are invited to my birthday party in March.

sweating excellence... --Alan Smith

Miss Metcalf, I didn't eat breakfast at home.
And I didn't eat breakfast when I got to school either...

Why? I forgot my backpack. --Marten Cates, Jr. (first grade)

It's sort of like that big boat...you know...the Tie-tan-tic. Right? The Tie-tan-tic?

--Kalee Hughes (junior, cheerleader)

Holy Ghost crunk mode. --Tuni Barner

BJ (first grader): I just loved this conversation.

Me: Yes. Very stimulating.

BJ: That is was.

i know funny people. they say funny things. i laugh.

[Jingle Bells -- James Pierpont, 1857]

t-h-a-n-k-s.

2009-11-27T13:04:00.000-06:00

if i wasn't thankful, i would be remiss:

family crazy -- my family is straight up off the chain. it's funny to me that even though we are spread out and don't get to see each other often, as soon as we get together a lifetime of ridiculous occurs. it is magic.

work -- even on the most stressful and tiring days, i'm able to say that i love what i do. i am humbled to think that i am thought fit to have a part in the lives of so many children.

friends -- i can't say enough how thankful i am for people that laugh at my jokes. people that text me back when i'm in the mood to be random. people that constantly pour encouragement and "real" into my life. people that let me vent and people that vent to me. people that are nothing but awesome.
the chance to be me -- i am so lucky to know people that let me be me. it's pretty unreal.

the Maker of all things. the One who gives me life. i am so fortunate to be able to call myself a child of His. i make mistakes, i run, i don't listen...but still He forgives and is faithful to me. [i am most thankful for that]

obviously, the list doesn't cover everything, but it's a start.

yesterday my cousin, Michael, jokingly said, "thanksgiving isn't a day...it's a mindset," and i actually stopped to think about how true that was. this year [november to november], i'm going to work on having more of a thankful mindset.

here's to a year of recognizing blessings and being thankful at all times.

you're in the city of wonder

2009-11-25T14:44:00.000-06:00

I've subbed for the past two days in the 2nd grade class that I started the school year with...I was with them for 12 weeks, gone for two weeks once their teacher came back, and now I've been back with them for two days.

Today has been a frustrating day in 2nd grade...to say the least.

Yesterday, I was with these same kids. And these same kids brought the same baggage. The same smiles. The same laughter. The same attitudes toward life that they always have.

Today, these kids are the same. But today has been different.

I changed.
It was me.
I surprise myself.
Everyday.

Yesterday, I was so excited to be with these kiddos because I hadn't seen them in a while. I was excited to get the chance to love on these kids that I had spent so much time with at the beginning of the school year.

And today it was different. It was like the newness of the situation wore off.

And I caught myself thinking that.
How rude am I?

I am blessed to be able to say that I have been a part of each of the lives of these kids. I am blessed to have been able to show love in a way that other people will never be able to. I have been able to see love and joy and laughter that only a child can give or show.

Who am I to be frustrated with the situations that the Lord has allowed me to be a part of? Who am I to question or be unhappy with His calling on my life?

it's a thief in the night to come and grab you
it can creep up inside you and consume you
a disease of the mind it can control you...disturbia...

i love and am so thankful for these kids.

[disturbia -- rihanna]

easy as 1 - 2 - 3

2009-11-23T10:36:00.000-06:00

abc d-now -- november 13-15, 2009

what a weekend...

[abc -- jackson 5]

ba-ba-baby...i can't wait!

2009-11-21T10:18:00.000-06:00

big things to look forward to in the coming months --

: little black dress shopping
: fun times with HOller
: Colts football domination
: high school basketball season
: Thanksgiving party time with the family
: UK/UNC basketball at Rupp arena with Winders
: a Fresno, CA wedding
: more single ladies dance moves with Auntie D and Cousin J?
: plane rides galore
: Picayune DNow 2010
: the start of student teaching [this means almost being done with school]

the Lord has been good. to deny that would be a sad, sad thing. my life is proof that He loves me and has been good to me. i'm ready to prove that is what i believe.

[i can't wait -- nu shooz]

but i know what she's saying

2009-11-11T13:29:00.003-06:00

contrary to popular belief...i'm ok. it's been a rough stretch for sure, but i'm ok.

i've been struggling a lot with my place in all of this. wondering and praying a lot about if this is really where God has me. i haven't gotten an answer for sure.

and i fear that is my answer. i fear that no answer means that where i am is where i'll be...and that scares me beyond belief. then i think -- what does where i am mean? what does it look like? i tell people often that i love my family...and i love knowing where i've come from...but as a single, 26 year old woman i feel more alone in this place than i have in all my life.

not that i'm trying to complain. i know that we are put into situations to develop perseverance and hope and faith, but i wonder when it will be my turn to be a part of community. when it will be my turn to love. when it will be my turn to be loved. when i can feel encouraged on a regular basis...by people living down the street rather than hours away.

for such a long time i've really struggled with letting all of myself go. i've had a vice grip on my life...nothing and no one was going to take total control of me and my circumstances. and due to a lot of things that have been happening, i've realized (even though i've known all along) that i can't continue to live life as if it is my own. i can't continue to act as if there is no authority.

but i do.
and i fail -- every time.

and it breaks me. literally breaks me to think that i don't even have the smallest amount of faith that it takes to follow the One who both created and called me.

the beauty of my downfall is that where i am weak -- He is strong. i just have to know and really believe that His hand will take care of me...even if not on my timetable.

right now, my mind is a big mess. but that doesn't mean i'm crazy. it just means that there's a lot going on and i'm in a continual process of learning how to deal with it. i'm learning how to deal with the fact that this could be where i end up...that i might never really feel at home...and i'm learning that wrestling with all of this is ok...

[avett bros. -- january wedding]

You of Little Faith

2009-10-12T10:02:00.003-05:00

this is a page in my little black book.

a few weeks ago i wrote this in that book...and it broke my heart while i was writing it. it broke me because, if i don't believe that God is going to do what he says, what is this all for?

i am weak.
i do not have even the smallest amount of faith.
i question everything...everything.

He is who is says he is...why do i make it so hard?

i think for a while now, i've been attacked...but i was too dumb to see it. or proud. i work on taking things into my own hands and that never ends up how i'd like it to. i've been exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually...and the devil has definitely used that as an advantage to plant thoughts that don't belong in my head.

i am working on being in the Word consistently...and it's getting better.
i am working on letting go of that which i have no control over...everything.
i am working on being in prayer more than ever before.
i am working on being full of belief...

when the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "it's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. but Jesus immediately said to them:
"take courage! it is I. don't be afraid."
"Lord, if it's you," peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
"come," he said.
then peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. but when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.
"you of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
[matthew 14: 26-31]

you oughta know that --

2009-09-07T21:13:00.003-05:00

@i am beyond confused these days.
@it's hard to take a compliment because i'm not sure that you're telling the truth.
@He knows what a mess i am.
@frankie mac is one of the best purchases i've ever made.
@my dogs bark way too much.
@i give some people way too many chances...and others not enough.
@i'm willing to be/go almost anywhere.
@abe lincoln is my favorite historical figure.
@smiling and laughing are two of my favorites.
@i have dreams.
@i question things like it's my job.
@i talk about you...if you've impacted me at all.
@dr pepper is still my favorite soda.
@God gave me desires for a reason.
@i am working on finding joy/beauty in the small things.
@creating small things makes me feel like i'm doing something good.
@being real is something that i'm hoping to get better at.
@i have a hard time letting go of a grudge.
@i miss you.
@i'm still a drifter...but i'm working on slowing down a bit.
@i will always choose the Bulldogs/Brown Pride over any other gangs.
@i really do have great friends.
@socks and me -- we ain't friends.
@i will be getting a new tattoo within the year [hopefully].
@if i had $1 million, i'd buy plane tickets to any/everywhere.
@i think about jenness park every day.
@i am outside of my mind.
@i know deep down You love me...i need to believe it.
@i need to be encouraged and held accountable.
@i still bite my fingernails.
@i pray for you every day...even when i don't want to.
@i've started asking for wisdom and understanding.

for the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come
knowledge and understanding. [proverbs 2:6]

2009-09-01T22:12:00.002-05:00

i am learning to wait...

...on Him.

it's one of the hardest things i've ever had to do.

i have a feeling that this month will be a month
of new beginnings.
i have a feeling that this month will be a month
of change.
i have a feeling that i'll be growing up this month.

my circumstances will not define me.
He will...
...so, I wait.

Geesh.

2009-08-24T23:21:00.004-05:00

this semester is going to be crazy.
but good.

and really busy.
and maybe i'll be really tired.

but i'll have a lot of experience by the time it's over.
[hopefully.]

my prayer this semester is this:
[to love God and be known by Him. 1 cor 8:3]

in other news: i'll be reunited with these two very soon!

watch out Nashville...you don't know us.

it was the best of times...

2009-08-21T17:04:00.002-05:00

it was a good summer.

You Don't Need Our Identification -- Move Along.

2009-06-27T16:33:00.005-05:00

may the force be with us this week.

We Will Sing, Sing, Sing

2009-06-06T21:52:00.004-05:00

memories of week one --

@cardboard testimonies.
@laughter.
@no track time.
@rain, rain, rain.
@indoor, awesome mega.
@tattoo band-aids.
@intervention.
@calling churches.
@accents.
@rec! chats.
@laundry.
@participant lists.
@answering the camp phone.
@john deaver.
@great staff.
@sendoff celebration.
@out of controlocity.
@no sleep.
@mega to the max [complete with throwback clothing].
@sing, sing, sing.
@smiles.
@new friends.
@being broken for students.
@seeing old faces.
@teamwork and Jesus.

it was a good week.

Just Like A Circus

2009-06-01T07:00:00.001-05:00

campers come today.

oh.
my.
goodness.

leslie metcalf
fuge staff
north greenville university
box c2
tigerville, sc 29688

Truck It, North Greenville

2009-05-23T22:03:00.002-05:00

training week is going.
full swing.
busy.
long days.

and i'm tired.

but i love my team.
and i've laughed a lot.
and we've got some characters.

look for more to come.

once again:
Leslie Metcalf
Fuge Staff
North Greenville University
Box C2
Tigerville, SC 29688

Oh! Happy Day...

2009-05-17T08:10:00.002-05:00

it's day number 9850849853 of training.
and training has been good.

we've talked about anything and everything under the sun.
we've laughed and goofed off.
we've covered the book of exodus [mostly].
and learned a lot.

i've met some neat people this week.
my leadership team is fun.
jeremy, lindsay, andrew, alan and jarod...quality.

i'm excited for the summer.
oh! happy day...

Need to Breathe

2009-05-12T10:58:00.003-05:00

i'm worn out.
tired.
spent.

@first graders are taking it completely out of me today.

"miss m. can you sharpen my pencil?"

"miss m. what page are we on again?"

"miss m. can i go to the bathroom?"

@my neck is bothering me. because of all the heavy lifting i did to pack my car to be ready to leave for camp...tubs, suitcases, drawers, and other random stuff like that.

@i feel like i'm forgetting so many things for the summer. i keep thinking over and over and over again about what i need to have done and ready for camp.

i need to relax.
i need to breathe.

today: meeting with the teacher i'll be student teaching with. driving to nashville. hanging out with friends that make me smile. laugh. enjoy life.
tomorrow: ridgecrest. fun. friends. clarity. laughter. learning. training. feeling at ease.

Gone Like A Freight Train

2009-05-09T08:57:00.002-05:00

tuesday, i head out for a summer of crazy. a summer of neat. a summer of work.

and i'm excited.

my to-do list is getting smaller and smaller -- that feels nice.

so. i'll be gone from may 12-august 3.
long summer, right?
here's where you can help.
i really like getting mail. goodies. fun things in the mail.
and what do ya know?
my camp address is listed below.

Leslie Metcalf
Fuge Staff
North Greenville University
Box C2
Tigerville, SC 29688

so send me mail if you'd like.
Lord knows i'd love it.

and i'm hoping to be good about keeping up with this while i'm gone for the summer. there are bound to be some amazing stories of people who haven't got a clue. people who are crazy. staffers - anonymously, of course. and me.

you really couldn't ask for a better scenario.
ok. i love you all.
and remember - mail is good.

Gone to Carolina in My Mind

2009-05-06T17:51:00.002-05:00

in my mind i'm gone to carolina.
can't you feel the sunshine?
can' you just feel the moonshine?
ain't it just like a friend of mine to hit me from behind?
yes, i'm gone to carolina in my mind.

i'm really excited about everything that this summer has to offer, but i've got a lot going on in the next few days before i can head out and be ready...

@one more day of 4th grade observation
@one more night of diversity thursday
@friday sub day in kindergarten
@face-to-face meeting with my student teaching co-op teacher
@send out bible study names and age groups
@finalize the roommate situation
@finish packing
@laundry
@thrift shopping for awesome costumes
@graduation parties in edwardsville
@sunday morning church at fbcm
@more laundry and packing
@plan for bible study training
@monday sub day in learning resource
@tuesday sub day in first grade
@trip to nashville
@night of mayhem and awesome with friends
@travel, travel, travel
@train
@and camp.

look forward to my summer address being posted soon.
until then, stay awesome.

dark and silent late last night
i think i might have heard the highway calling
geese in flight and dogs that bite
signs that might be omens say i'm going, going
i'm gone to carolina in my mind.

six [almost five] days until i'm out of illinois and on my way to everything that is North Greenville University Fuge Combo Camp 2009.

2009-05-01T17:41:00.000-05:00

i've been missing these people a lot lately.

ten more days until camp owns.

As I Went Down in the River to Pray...

2009-04-19T23:12:00.003-05:00

i had a lot of time to think this weekend. maybe that time should have been spent doing more homework, but alas, it wasn't.

>i'm extremely selfish. that's not a fun discovery. with God's help, i'm working on that. trying to be more loving, more of a servant, and the witness that God calls me to be in this world.

>i really need to stop biting my nails.

>jokes really are fun...i think some of you might agree.

>this weekend is going to be monster-fun. after too-long-an-absence, i'll once again be gracing the lovely city of nashville with my presence. on tap for the weekend...[1] new tattoo? [2] music city half/marathon. [3] laughter and threats. [4] a misfit reunion for the ages. [5] the pantry? [6] ringing doorbells and doing my thing. [7] church with friends. [8] fellowship, encouragement, and storytelling. [9] staying up late. [10] partying like it's 1999.

>the closer camp gets, the more i panic.

>the closer camp gets, the more excited i get.

>over the last few weeks i've learned a lot about me. self-discovery is exciting and terrifying all at once.

in other news:

So Much to Say, So Much to Say...

2009-04-15T20:39:00.001-05:00

@less than a month until i'm out of illinois and onto north carolina and south carolina for training and camp. and less than a month to get everything that i have to do...done. today i realized just how much i have to do, and just how little time i have to do it. oh my...what have i gotten myself into?

@i was so close to taking a quick trip to nashville today and tomorrow to visit sarah and her friends while they are on spring break--of course, i just couldn't swing it...and that just broke my heart.

@i really need to stop biting my nails.

@i scream ATTENSHUN whenever i want.

@i recently bought a new pair of toms. and they are sweet. when you buy a pair, toms sends a pair to a child in need of a pair. it's a sweet deal. check 'em out.

@i really hate homework. and i'm an excellent procrastinator. not a good combination at all.

@plus side: door decorations for camp are done. i've finished going through the Bible study...and it's good. i think this summer is going to be a great one for students connecting to what God has for them by way of exodus.

@i know i'm not necessarily the best friend all the time, but i refuse to let someone tell me that i'm a bad friend...when they are an even worse friend, if you could really even call them that. consider that one city in that one state blown up for good.

@the cardinals lost carp to the 15-day dl. no good...they just got him back.

@i've got lots of tricks up my sleeve. so watch out.

@i'm going to get a new tattoo soon. on my left wrist. before or after camp? i'm thinking before.

@luis, from bossier city, louisiana just sent me a flat stanley. flat stanley woke up one morning to find that he'd been flattened by a bulletin board, but he was completely fine [besides being flat]! flat stanley did all sorts of neat things. anyway--luis sent his flat stanley to me, and i'm showin' flat stanley the sights. today we went to a soccer game and met some of the high school kids. tomorrow, we're going to visit good ol' Abe Lincoln at the courthouse for some photo opps...and flat stanley is even going to come to dinner and class with me...stay tuned for flat stanley updates and photos.

He Rose and Conquered the Grave

2009-04-12T00:25:00.002-05:00

everyone needs compassion
a love that's never failing
let mercy fall on me
everyone needs forgiveness
the kindness of a Savior
the hope of nations

Savior, he can move the mountains
my God mighty to save
He is mighty to save
forever, author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

so take me as You find me
all my fears and failures
fill my life again
i give my life to follow
everything i believe in
now i surrender

Savior, he can move the mountains
my God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
forever, author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

[may these words speak to your life. may God be mighty to save. may He be your author of salvation. take heart friends, Sunday has come. He rose and conquered the grave!]

Put Me in Coach, I'm Ready to Play

2009-04-07T11:19:00.001-05:00

Baseball is back!

GO CARDINALS!!!

I've Been Thinkin' About Yooou

2009-03-31T14:14:00.004-05:00

-I got my new Mac this week. I already feel like it is worth the money. There are so many neat things to find, and I'm having an excellent time on this scavenger hunt.

-I decided today that I was going to start my music career using Garage Band. I've already laid tracks. Please submit all groupie applications to leslie.metcalf@gmail.com and explain why you're a qualified candidate for groupie status...those that are well-qualified will reap the reward.

-I have some kickin' ideas for camp this summer. From door decorations to get-to-know-you type things, I think I have a really good start compared to where I was last year.

-It has now rained for two days straight. I would've loved to have gotten outside at some point, but my town just might be the mud capitol of the planet. Anyway, it's been nice to both fall asleep, and wake up to rain.

-Yesterday I had chips and salsa for lunch. I need to make that a regular occurrence.

-Since last year at this time, I have watched the complete Harry Potter series no less than four times. Does that make me crazy? ...Yes. Crazy awesome.

-Last night I may or may not have blown up the state of California. Let me know if you hear about it on the news.

In other news:

song lyrics taken from: I've Been Thinking About You--Londonbeat

My Body too Hoodielicious for Ya, Babe...

2009-03-23T15:38:00.003-05:00

spring has sprung!
but it's never too warm for one of these...

--dedicated to Molly B.

I'm Tellin' You to Loosen Up Those Buttons...babe?

2009-03-17T19:32:00.003-05:00

more everyday items that can be used to make beautiful things...

I Wanna Tell A Better Story

2009-03-16T00:06:00.004-05:00

i'm learning to be fascinated by everyday things.
in this quest i've recently become interested in hangers.

it's none of your business why.
just look...

I Just Want to Say, Thank You

2009-03-11T22:54:00.004-05:00

thank you.

for those of you who don't know, my pastor all through college [Fred Winters], was the pastor who was shot and killed during service on March 8, 2009.

as a pastor, Fred was clear and concise. he was not afraid to speak the truth--and he spoke the truth in a loving way. he was such a friendly face on sunday mornings, and he went out of his way to remember anyone and everyone that set foot inside the FBCM building. i remember the first time i walked into the biggest church i'd ever been to, and he was one of the first to greet me. from there on, he never forgot my name and made sure to make contact with me everytime he saw me.

from the moment i heard of the shooting and death of Fred, i had a peace about the situation, and my heart immediately went out to his wife [Cindy] and their two daughters [Alysia and Cassidy]. the family is a sweet one--i had the chance to spend a lot of time with them. Cindy was my sunday school teacher, and i used to babysit the girls on regular occasion.

the Winters family was a family you couldn't help but want to spend time around. i remember waiting for Fred and Cindy to leave the house for a ballgame/meeting/weekend getaway, and i would just watch the way the family interacted. it was obvious that Fred was madly in love with his wife, and that his love for Alysia and Cassidy was not easily matched.

it has been nothing but obvious to me through this situation that God has been completely in control. from the first bullet the gunman shot going through Pastor Fred's bible, to the fourth shot jamming the gun so that churchgoers could subdue the gunman, to the amount of love that has been showered upon anyone and everyone that was, or has been involved with FBC Maryville at some point in their life, to the reaction of this tragedy by Fred's family...there are so many things surrounding this situation that point to God's hand, and i can't help but be amazed at that.

if nothing else since sunday, i really have seen and learned that God can and will use anything for his glory. my mind can't wrap around that, but i'm ok with knowing that He's in control.

i will be attending the visitation and funeral [thurs/fri] and ask that you would continue to pray...for healing...for Cindy, Alysia, and Cassidy...for First Baptist Church Maryville, IL--the most loving and real church i have ever been to...for strength--that those closest to this situation would not fall away, but would grow stronger in Christ with each other...for the ability to move forward while keeping the memory of Fred Winters alive...for the churchgoers that helped to subdue the gunman...and for the gunman [Terry Sedlacek] himself...

the Winters family:
Alysia, Fred, Cassidy, and Cindy.

[if you would like to read more about the Winters family,
please go here and see what others have to say about Fred and his lovely ladies...]

you all are much appreciated.
i thank you for your love and friendship.
thank you.

I'm So Excited. And I Just Can't Hide It

2009-03-04T23:55:00.004-06:00

just a few reasons why i'm excited about the "Walkin' in Memphis Wedding Weekend Extravaganza [in no particular order]:

-laughter.
-mass amounts of hugs.
-jon and sherryl's nuptials.
-beale street.
-the love of Jesus.
-civil rights museum.
-jenness roommate reunion.
-sabrina?
-late nights.
-rap music.
-sarah walker.
-candace watson.
-rebecca miller.
-joelle seesing.
-will snipes.
-thad burkhalter.
-micah szopinski.
-jj yount.
-darin wong.
-michael morrison.
-rusty long.
-dressing up.
-good conversation.
-jokes.
-photoshoots.
-the 'bees?
-singing loudly.
-camp talk.
-love.Love.LOVE.

it doesn't get much better than this folks.

[lindsay, eric, eric, amy, anna, and fletcher...you will be missed.]

Slow Down--You Move Too Fast

2009-03-03T12:00:00.001-06:00

i started reading through crazylove by francis chan this week.
it's not a big book.
and some would consider it an easy read.

but i'm taking my time with it.
reading it slowly.
because i don't want to miss anything.

i know that my time is short.
i know that.
but i act like i'm going to live forever.
i act like my life is all about me...it's not.

my ultimate purpose on earth is to glorify the One who created me.
on good days. on bad days. when it's easy to follow. when it's not.
but i'm selfish, and i let that get in the way.

over the past few weeks, i've really been working at taking in my surroundings (places, people, etc.) and appreciating them. i've really been working at being thankful that God allows me to be a part of all of this. and now i'm looking to be less selfish. to be more loving. i'm looking to follow, with reckless abandon, the God that gave [and continues to give] me life.

all i ask of you is that you pray that God would continue to work. that i would take my time with Him. that i won't be afraid to be patient and wait. that i wouldn't miss anything. that He would continue to make more of himself and less of me. that my life would be for, and glorify only Him.

Change the Conversation

2009-02-23T23:38:00.000-06:00

stop using the [r] word.

i'm a grad student.
one of the classes i'm in right now is students with exceptionalities.

it's a fantastic class. i'm learning a ton. and it's allowed me to fall even more in love with those students that have disabilities.i have spent quite a bit of time in special education classrooms, and there is just something about being in there that makes me want to do better for them. that makes me want to love them.

tonight, in class, we were listening to student presentations and a friend of mine showed these small clips as part of her presentation. they are commercials for the special olympics and they took my breath away.

this is a cause i'm willing to support.

let's commit to ban the [r] word.

We're All a Brat Pack--

2009-02-19T20:49:00.000-06:00

Reasons why I'm a brat:

i'm ruuuude.
i make kids cry.
i am selfish.
i bite my fingernails.
i'm a me-pleaser.
i run my mouth.
i don't always try my hardest.
i am bitter about not winning state my junior year.
i have a horrible attitude sometimes.
i can be cocky.
i do not speak any foreign languages [except for my awesome accents.]
i want people to tell me i'm cool. funny. neato...all the time.
i forget about world problems and focus on me.
i am somewhat outside of my mind.
i'm sarcastic.
i don't always do things with a servant's heart.
i flirt.
i hold grudges.
i have read the Harry Potter series three times.
i sometimes use the word --hate-- loosely.
i expect too much of people.
i make jokes to break tension.
i don't have a lot of patience.
i am not always a good daughter, coach, friend, life-liver.
i laugh at inappropriate jokes.
i don't always listen.
i look for flaws.
i don't always wash my dishes.
i procrastinate.
i am stubborn.
i am somewhat obsessed with my hair.
i often have the urge to hit.
i ignore people.
i am a part of the crazy train.

this is me.
brat.

good news is [even though i'm a brat] God takes me as i am. he changes, molds, makes me into the person i need to be...brat pack and all.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

2009-02-12T23:02:00.000-06:00

happy birthday to you...
Today the nation recognized what would have been the 200th birthday of President Abraham Lincoln. It is no secret that he has [and always will be] my favorite Commander-in-Chief. In honor of his birthday, some of good ol' Abe's wit and wisdom:

--"I do the very best I know how - the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what's said against me won't amount to anything."

--"Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."

--"Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them."

--"I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom and that of all about me seemed insufficient for that day."

--"...I know that the Lord is always on the side of the right. But it is my constant anxiety and prayer that I and this nation should be on the Lord's side."

--"In giving freedom to the slave, we assure freedom to the free."

--"A house divided against itself cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure permanently half-slave and half-free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved - I do not expect the house to fall - but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other."

--"God bless the women of America!"

--"The probability that we may fall in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just; it shall not deter me."

--"Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today."

--"In regard to Great Book, I have but to say, it is the best gift God has given man. All the good the Savior gave to the world was communicated through this book."

Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 - April 15, 1865)

You are my Rescue

2009-02-05T12:11:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about being stuck.
Well, maybe not being stuck...but feeling stuck.

What does that look like in my life?
How do I treat others because of the way I'm feeling?
And is that fair?

I've been selfish.

I've forgotten to remember that:

the earth moves and you find me, alive but unworthy
broken and empty, but you don't care
'cause you are my rapture, you are my Savior
when all my hope is gone, i reach for you
you are my rescue
you are my rescue

when all my hope is gone.
when i feel stuck.
when the days drag on.
because i can't do it by myself.
YOU are my rescue.

Super Bowl Sunday Funday

2009-02-01T14:06:00.000-06:00

Today.
The largest single-day sporting event.
The Super Bowl.

Kurt Warnerand his Arizona Cardinals
take on Ben Roethlisberger
and the Pittsburgh Steelers.

My team (the Indianapolis Colts) didn't make a good playoff showing.
But that won't stop me from watching the big game.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday Funday, everyone!!

I'm Your Satellite--

2009-01-29T13:04:00.001-06:00

have you ever tried out Google Earth?
if not...you should.
i was introduced to it through the class i just finished.
it's a neat little (or big) program.

it's all based on satellite imagery.
you can type in a location and it'll take you there.
it tells you how far away from the earth you are at any given point. like what your eye altitude is...so neat!
you can save your own little maps.
you can see things halfway around the world.
some things are in 3-d!
it tells you your location (latitude and longitude).
you can put borders around things.
you can even see what's going on around the world. like different movements. like different villages that have been burnt down in Darfur.
there are photos loaded in.
you know how far above sea level you are.
tons of information available.

here are some of my favorite places:

Jenness Park, in lovely California...can ya see it? huh? huh?

Nashville, TN (like anyone needed to know that)...

Ridgecrest, NC...Fuge #1 (2006).

Chicago, Illinois...

St. Louie!!!

i just really like it.
you should try it out.
(please note that all of the above photos are direct shots from google earth...)

I Dare You to Move

2009-01-23T08:41:00.000-06:00

i dare you to move
i dare you to lift yourself up off the floor.

i let myself go through the motions.

somedays i'm content with where i'm at.

somedays i'm not.
and i don't think that's a bad thing...

but there are times when the motions control me.
i don't move myself.
i let the motions dictate where i am and what i feel.

i let the motions dictate me.

i don't want to be that person.
it's time to move.
it's time to do something.

i dare you to move
i dare you to move
like today never happened before.
maybe redemption has stories to tell.
maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.
where can you run to escape from yourself?
where you gonna go?
salvation is here.

What Else Can I Do?

2009-01-19T14:34:00.001-06:00

I've recently taken up being a procrastinator.
And by recently, I mean, I've been one since at least 6th grade.

Things I've done today [besides my actual homework]:

vacuum. [yes, i was wearing that exact outifit.]

organize my whole paper/pen/marker/paint supply corner.

write in my journal.

dance around my room.

color.

unload groceries with my momma.

listen to loads of music.

Happy MLK Jr. day, folks.

I Spell It Like This: Moustache.

2009-01-17T14:06:00.000-06:00

Last night I saw a dog with what seemed to be a handlebar moustache.
The dog's hair was a light brown, the but the moustache hair was visibly black.
I couldn't get over it.

Enjoy.

The anatomy of a handlebar moustache.

They come in different colors.

They can be somewhat normal.

Or just plain outlandish...

Who knew they could be multi-tiered?

Most of me wishes that no-shave November would lead to more men looking like this.

you can do it all by yourself--

2009-01-14T23:35:00.000-06:00

let me see ya do it.
let me see ya do it.

i've got a new step.
and sometimes it doesn't look like it's going anywhere.
and sometimes it doesn't make sense to other people.
and sometimes it just looks a hot mess.

but the thing is...i've got a new step.

i may not know what the dance looks like...
but i'm going to enjoy learning the moves,
moving and stepping to the rhythm,
and hearing the music deep down in my soul.

snap ya finger.
do ya step.

it just takes some time...

2009-01-13T00:21:00.000-06:00

little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
everything, everything will be just fine.
everything, everything will be alright.

two times today i was reminded of these lyrics.
and more than two times today, i knew that everything would be alright.

things to look forward to:
*using google earth
*birthday extravaganzas
*a new season of 24
*getting Lost with the Oceanic 6
*taking it easy on the travel...staying put for once
*losing weight on purpose
*a new (possibly improved) haircut
*being one semester closer to having my master's
*hearing about Fuge placements
*a new dress
*a Friday night wedding in Memphis
*a Jenness Park Fuge reunion as result of said wedding
*roommate reunion with Sarah and Candace!
*my future career
*endless possibilities
*new episode Tuesdays
*loving...hurting...and loving in spite of that hurt
*cheerleading competitions with my girls
*Bible study training weekend
*seeing Candace twice in one month!
*growth and learning

everything, everything will be alright.
alright.

dancing, Dancing, DANCIN'

2009-01-10T13:10:00.000-06:00

she's a dancin' machine.

sometimes i forget just how much fun it can be to just let loose and have fun with friends.
these pictures make me smile.

erin and i dancin' up a storm at the coldplay concert in washington, dc on halloween!

jared, trav, me, scottie and susan on the gorge before anna's wedding...laughs!

jared and me doing what we do.

So I Can Import Other Slides?

2009-01-09T00:02:00.000-06:00

Rundown: I'm in graduate school. I'm getting my Master's degree in education, and when I'm done I'll be certified to teach...

Tonight: I went to class. In Belleville (over an hour away) because I had to make up a class I missed a few weeks ago...anyway...

WHO KNEW POWERPOINT WAS SUCH A DIFFICULT THING?
I mean, it must be difficult
if we spent three hours (of a four hour class)
talking about it, right?

Three hours. Talking about PowerPoint.
There is something inherently wrong about that.

Questions covered:
-How do I make all of the backgrounds the same color?
-How do I change the color of the hyperlink
-How do I print off slides?
-When I print off slides, is there anyway I can print the notes section with it?
-So, I can import other slides...like, slides from some other file?

America: This is what I'm doing to get my Master's. Paying money. Talking about PowerPoint. It doesn't get much better than that.

OT Stands for Old Testament

2009-01-07T13:37:00.000-06:00

i've been spending a lot of time in the old testament lately.
and i've fallen in love with it.

i have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. --genesis 9:13

is anything too hard for the Lord? --genesis 18:14

...for God has been gracious to me and i have ALL I NEED. --genesis 33:11

you intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. --genesis 50:19

God said to moses, "i am who i am." --exodus 3:14a

"who gave man his mouth? who makes him deaf or mute? who gives him sight or makes him blind? is it not i, the Lord? now go; i will help you speak and will teach you what to say." --exodus 4:11-12

"this is what the Lord, the God of the hebrews, says: 'how long will you refuse to humble yourself before me?..." --exodus 10:3b

the Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. --exodus 14:14

the Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. --exodus 15:2

then the Lord said to moses..."they have been quick to turn away from what i commanded them and have made themselves an idol..." --exodus 32:8

and the Lord said, "i will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and i will proclaim my name, the Lord, in your presence. i will have mercy on whom i will have mercy, and i will have compassion on whom i will have compassion. but, you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live." --exodus 33:19-20

"the Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished..." --exodus 34:6-7a

fire came out from the presence of the Lord and consumed the burnt offereing and the fat portions on the altar. and when all the people saw it, they shouted for joy and fell facedown. --leviticus 9:24

'i am the Lord your God; consecrate yourselves and be holy, because i am holy...' --leviticus 11:44a

'i will walk among you and be your God, and you will be my people. i am the Lord your God, who brought you out of egypt so that you would no longer be called slaves to the egyptians; i broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.' --leviticus 26:13

but the people grew impatient on the way; they spoke against God and against moses, and said, "why have you brought us up out of egypt to die in the desert? there is no bread! there is no water! and we detest this miserable food!" then the Lord sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many israelites died...so moses prayed for the people. the Lord said to moses, "make a snake and put it on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live..." then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived. --numbers 21:4b-9

"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. does he speak and then not act? does he promise and not fulfill? i have received a command to bless; he has blessed, and i cannot change it." --numbers 23:19-20

do not add to what i command you and do not subtract from it, but keep the commands of the Lord your God that i give you. --deuteronomy 4:2

for the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God. --deuteronomy 4:24

acknowledge and take to heart this day that the Lord is God in heaven above and on the earth below. there is no other. --deuteronomy 4:39

go near and listen to all that the Lord our God says. then tell us whatever the Lord our God tells you. we will listen and obey. --deuteronomy 5:27

fear the Lord your God, serve him only. --deuteronomy 6:13

observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in his ways and revering him. --deuteronomy 8:6

and now, o israel, what does the Lord your God ask of you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to live him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that i am giving you today for your own good?...for the Lord your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes. he defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the alien, giving him food and clothing...fear the Lord your God and serve him. hold fast to him and take your oaths in his name. he is your praise; he is your God, who performed for you those great and awesome wonders you saw with your own eyes. --deuteronomy 10:12-21

fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many... --deuteronomy 11:18-21a

and you are to rejoice before the Lord your God in everything you put your hand to. --deuteronomy 12:18b

do not pervert justice or show partiality. do not accept a bribe, for a bribe blinds the eyes of the wise and twists the words of the righteous. follow justice and justice alone, so that you may live and possess the land thae Lord your God is giving you. --deuteronomy 16:19-20

you must be blameless before the Lord your God. --deuteronomy 18:13

the secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law. --deuteronomy 29:29

now choose life...for the Lord is your life... --deuteronomy 30:19b, 20b

and that's just the first few books!
i love that the old testament is full of history, people actually conversing with God, laws, the sin of the people, and deliverance...it's such a beautiful story of the God of creation and his people...it is a constant reminder of the loving, merciful, jealous God that i serve...

You Can Find Me in St. Louie...

2009-01-06T22:29:00.000-06:00

i made a pretty sweet mix-cd.
and an art project to go along with it.
read it and weep, folks.

Augustana Got It Right

2009-01-04T20:34:00.000-06:00

i think i'll go to Boston...
i think i'll start a new life,
i think i'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
i'll get out of California, i'm tired of the weather,
i think i'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...

if only it wasn't so difficult.
here's to starting over...

What's That Girl Got In Her Purse?

2008-12-31T01:39:00.000-06:00

1. Bible
2. GPS
3. keys, complete with VT keyring, Kenyan keyring and Clovis Hills lanyard
4. zipper pouch full of sharpie markers and G2 pens
5. my little notebook-o-awesome
6. vaseline
7. lotion
8. bluetooth earpiece (for occasions requiring 'tool' status)
9. zipper pouch complete with all sorts of makeup
10. camera
11. Pablo

Favorite Moments of 2008

2008-12-28T15:31:00.000-06:00

A recollection of what made 2008 great...in no particular order.

-being one of four coaches of a state champion cheerleading squad
-seeing San Francisco
-turning 25
-trips to Nashville (too many to be counted)
-fun new music
-growth
-graduate school and new colleagues
-Jenness Park
-Coldplay on Halloween in Washington, DC
-the cutest hairstyle known to man
-size 20 black Adidas shoes
-a 2nd place fantasy baseball finish
-flying over and into Los Angeles at night
-camp reunions
-Gov Rod Blagojevich being the 2nd Illinois governor to be arrested
-becoming somewhat more creative
-singing with the boys
-visits from Chris Martin
-the Navigator and Will Snipes
-Memphis, TN
-the roadtrip to and from Coldplay (magic)
-text message conversations that people would kill to know about
-a spectacular week in Clovis, California
-becoming Beyonce
-scarves
-St. Louis Cardinal games
-4th of July and Medieval Mega Relay
-In-N-Out Burger
-60 degree days in December
-family crasyness
-new possibilites
-another Indianapolis Colts playoff berth
-Sabrina and her many talents/habits/etc.
-two words: SUCK IT
-bluetooth
-singing at the end of sentences
-responsibility
-John Rich (of Big & Rich) touching my shoulder
-being part of John Rich's entourage
-saving a horse and riding a cowboy
-nacho wednesday
-knowing and being reminded that the battle belongs to the Lord
-sports of most any kind
-meeting Michael Phelps on the train
-pancake pantry
-opening my heart to new ideas and things
-a renewed faith in who Christ is to me
-lots of laughs
-team Petey Pablo

Special thanks to the following for touching my life and impacting me in some way over the past year...you are much appreciated.

MeLissa. Erin. Kristin. Jamie. Sarah. Molly. Candace.
Robbie. Kenny. Scott. Jared. Grace. Winders. Christopher.
Emory. Thad. Rusty. Jon. Fletcher. Rebecca. Snipes. James. Cowart.
Josh. Jessie. Casey. Anna. Lindsay and Eric. Dick-Dockery. Lisa.
Joelle. Darin. Lisa T. Emilee. Laura. Jerel. Marc. Kara. Susan.
Jenny. Anna. Lauren. Vira. Justin. Stephen. Alex. Travis.

It's been a great year. There's a lot more where this list (of things and people) comes from, but that's reserved for me. Bottom line is that 2008 won't soon be forgotten. Here's to 2009 and whatever it has to offer!

I'll Be Home for Christmas

2008-12-26T12:03:00.001-06:00

I won't lie about it. This Christmas was hands-down one of my favorites. It's important to remember that the whole reason we celebrate is because of the birth of Jesus, but it's also a great excuse to hang out with and be around family. My family members are hilarious, so there is always something crazy going down.

Top 5 [nonreligious] moments of the holidays in photos:

5. winning my pirate's booty (that awesome purple hat) in the annual white elephant gift exchange...and by winning, i mean i stole it.

4. family photo shoots to no end. trust me, folks...this does not usually happen, but will be a staple from here on out.
3. my creative idea for wrapping a gift...yes, i'm available [starting now] for birthdays, weddings, and things of the like.
2. beyonce and the girls present "Single Ladies..." i was Beyonce, obviously.

1. BABIES!!! two sets of twins and a newborn make things interesting at family gatherings these days, but they are some of the most adorable children ever and i love hugging on, loving on, and making crazy baby noises when they are around...

I'd Like to See the Grinch Try and Steal This...

2008-12-24T20:37:00.000-06:00

I'm a big fan of the holidays. Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of my favorites, because it gives me a reason to see and hang out with my family (whom I love dearly). We are quite the crazy bunch, and because of that, there is no shortage of awesome that goes down.

The family now has two sets of twins under the age of two (Clayton and Caleb--Eathan and Landon) and they are straight up adorable. They can be a handful, but playing with the little guys renews my faith in innocence and love. All I want to do is give them plenty of attention, chase them around, and coo and make the weirdest noises known to man.
We also have a three-month-old addition to the family. Her name is Caydence. She is quite the beauty. Such a tiny thing and yet such a reminder of the love that God has for his people.
About ten minutes ago, we finished our annual White Elephant gift exchange. For all intensive purposes, all you need to know is that mass hilarity ensued as usual. However, since inquiring minds want to know, I am currently wearing my plunder (an amazing knitted hat to keep me warm in subzero temperatures).
Yesterday, I spent hours icing made-from-scratch sugar cookies that I won't eat. I'm not sure why. It's just one of those things. Maybe I look at them and feel like I might die because of the amount of sugar and butter used to make all of that goodness. Needless to say, there are some pretty awesomely designed cookies that some of my family members got to enjoy today.
This has definitely been a weird holiday for me. I've been dealing with a bunch of nonsensical, completely pointless things. But one thing has been certain--I've been blessed with a handful of amazing ladies that are willing to do whatever it takes. MeLissa, Erin, Jamie, Sarah, Grace and Molly have been hardcore awesome for me...thanks!
I've become more and more in tune to what the Christmas season means (even though December really is just an opportunistic place to put a holiday)...the fact is, Jesus was born. And he wasn't born the way people thought he'd be born...he came into the world as a baby...slept in a manger...and Herod viewed him as a legitimate threat...into the most humble of situations, the Savior of the world was born...

So try and steal this Christmas, grinch. Try and take away what joy and life and salvation mean. But I'm going to withstand you at every turn. I'm going to look you in the face and smile, knowing that I have got the gift of heart...and love...and faith.

How Dare I:

2008-12-18T13:23:00.000-06:00

-say one thing and mean another.
-act the way I've acted.
-assume that You have anything less than the best planned for me.
-question Your will.
-worry about today, tomorrow, or any other day.
-presume to be anything less than what You made me.

here's to growing gracefully and seeking simplicity.
Lord, may you shine me until you can see yourself in me.

I Still Like That Derek Webb--

2008-12-12T16:04:00.003-06:00

if you could love me as a wife
and for my wedding gift, your life
should that be all i'd ever need
or is there more i'm looking for

and should i read between the lines
and look for blessings in disguise
to make me handsome, rich, and wise
is that really what you want

i am a whore i do confess
i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
and i run down the aisle
i'm a prodigal with no way home
i put you on just like a ring of gold
i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don't trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side

i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers so less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood

because money cannot buy
a husband's jealous eye
when you have knowingly deceived his wife

i am a whore i do confess
i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
and i run down the aisle
i'm a prodigal with no way home
i put you on just like a ring of gold
i run down the aisle to you

i like that derek webb--

2008-11-30T18:37:00.000-06:00

beloved these are dangerous times
because you are weightless like a leaf from the vine
and the wind has blown you all over town
because there is nothing holding you to the ground

so now you would rather be
a slave again than free from the law

beloved listen to me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need
but me

beloved these are perilous days
when your culture is so set in its ways
that you will listen to salesmen and thieves
preaching other than the truth you’ve received

because they are telling lies
for they cannot circumcise your hearts

beloved listen to me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need
but me

beloved there is nothing more
no more blessings and no more rewards
than the treasure of my body and blood
given freely to all daughters and sons

beloved listen to me
don’t believe all that you see
and don’t you ever let anyone tell you
that there’s anything that you need
but me

Yeah, I'd say I'm pretty thankful...

2008-11-27T16:42:00.000-06:00

I think this year more than any other, I've realized that Thanksgiving is what it says...a giving of thanks. For what I've been blessed with. For what I've been given.

So. In no particular order...
Thanks. for...

salvation. st louis cardinals baseball. laughter. joy. cars. mousse. music. dead deer on the backs of trunks. babies. broadway in nashville. heat. college football. airplanes. text messaging. funny videos on vimeo. cupcakes. snail mail. flip-flops. lower gas prices. road trips to wherever. new possibilities. traveling baby dolls. southern accents. the beach. dr pepper. malibu and pineapple. birthdays. wheat bread. coldplay. washington, dc. camp. sweatpants. chi hair straighteners. down comforters. ballet flats. celebrity sightings. pianos. family togetherness. bright colors. mirrors. air mattresses. good company.

the list goes on.
the specifics--meLissa. erin. molly. jamie. robbie. scott. travis. kristin. kenny. austin. shane. anna. cowart. casey. chris. lindsay. sarah. micah. thad. jon. fletcher. rebecca. will. candace. rusty. jen.

thanks :)

post-Thanksgiving addendum:
compliments. jimmy john's. good conversation. random snowball fights. rookie of the year. the best dressing ever. karaoke. photo shoots and the photos that come from them. nashville, tn. scarves. sharpie fine-point permanent markers. orbit wintergreen gum. journaling. high heels. indianapolis colts football. the sandlot. sitting by the fire. pancake pantry. funny family jokes. hats. seeing old friends. anticipation. good wine. a fantastic night's sleep. new places. jeans. walking barefoot.

you've got it now...

there's power in Your name

Say Yeah!

Starting with the Man in the Mirror

Things I Love: 30 Rock

Sigh No More, No More

A Smile is a Good Thing

December is for Wishes

Potter Watch 2010

Potter Watch 2010 -- Things Lord Voldemort Tweets

Potter Watch 2010

Potter Watch 2010

To Jury...or Not to Jury

Definition of the Week

1enough adj \i-ˈnəf, ē-, ə-\

My Broken Cisterns Never Could Stay Filled

Definition of the Week

Fay-Vo-Rit

I'm Not Your Ghost Anymore...

I Was Just Thinking

Breathe. Sigh.

I can feel it...can you?

You've captured my heart...

take me home...

from the journal (8.18.10)

...from the journal (8.12.10)

here's where I am...

fa-fa-fa-fast forward!

mmm whatcha say

Enjoying Life...and with good reason.

it never gets old --

a year in pictures...

laughing all the way. [ha-ha-ha]

t-h-a-n-k-s.

you're in the city of wonder

easy as 1 - 2 - 3

ba-ba-baby...i can't wait!

but i know what she's saying

You of Little Faith

you oughta know that --

Geesh.

it was the best of times...

You Don't Need Our Identification -- Move Along.

We Will Sing, Sing, Sing

Just Like A Circus

Truck It, North Greenville

Oh! Happy Day...

Need to Breathe

Gone Like A Freight Train

Gone to Carolina in My Mind

As I Went Down in the River to Pray...

So Much to Say, So Much to Say...

He Rose and Conquered the Grave

Put Me in Coach, I'm Ready to Play

I've Been Thinkin' About Yooou

My Body too Hoodielicious for Ya, Babe...

I'm Tellin' You to Loosen Up Those Buttons...babe?

I Wanna Tell A Better Story

I Just Want to Say, Thank You

I'm So Excited. And I Just Can't Hide It

Slow Down--You Move Too Fast

Change the Conversation

We're All a Brat Pack--

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

You are my Rescue

Super Bowl Sunday Funday

I'm Your Satellite--

I Dare You to Move

What Else Can I Do?

I Spell It Like This: Moustache.

you can do it all by yourself--

it just takes some time...

dancing, Dancing, DANCIN'

So I Can Import Other Slides?

OT Stands for Old Testament

You Can Find Me in St. Louie...

Augustana Got It Right

What's That Girl Got In Her Purse?

Favorite Moments of 2008

I'll Be Home for Christmas

¹enough adj \i-ˈnəf, ē-, ə-\