My Broken Cisterns Never Could Stay Filled

So I'm not sure why it always flows downhill

Why broken cisterns never could stay filled

I've spent ten years singing gravity away

But the water keeps on falling from the sky

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out

With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt

I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away

But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows

I tried to find a cure for the pain

Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do

It would be a lie to run away

So blood is fire pulsing through our veins

We're either writers or fools behind the reigns

I've spent ten years trying to sing it all way

But the water keeps on falling from my tries

And heaven knows, heaven knows

I tried to find a cure for the pain

Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do

It would be a lie to run away

A lie to run

It would be a lie

It would be a lie to run away

It keeps on falling 

Water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows

I tried to find a cure for the pain

Oh my Lord! To suffer like you do

It would be a lie to run away 

(Jon Foreman-The Cure for Pain)

Definition of the Week

• ex·haust·ed Adjective   /igˈzôstid/
  Synonyms:

  • adjective: spent, weary, worn-out, tired
  • Drained of one's physical or mental resources; very tired
    • I was cold and exhausted
    • she returned home, exhausted from her day in the city
  • (of resources or reserves) Completely used up
    • Karl spat, his patience suddenly exhausted
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      
      

Fay-Vo-Rit

It's no lie. I've always been partial to October. 

Maybe it's because of football.

Maybe it's because the leaves have really started to change and the colors are gorgeous. Maybe it's because of playoff baseball and the World Series. Maybe it's because of corn mazes and costumes and too much candy.

Maybe it's because of bonfires and haunted houses and hayrides. 

Maybe it's because I get to celebrate my birthday. 

Maybe it's because you get to carve pumpkins and light them up with fire. Maybe it's because the people in Kenova, West Virginia devote themselves to an amazing array of pumpkins each year...at one house.

Maybe it's because you get to run around screaming "BOO" and aren't held accountable for it. Maybe it's because Harry Potter seems the most real in October.

Man. What a great month. 

I'm Not Your Ghost Anymore...

I know I can't take one more step towards you

Cause all that's waiting is regret

And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore

You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half a life

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

I hear you're asking all around

If I am anywhere to be found

But I have grown too strong

To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half a life

And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright

Remember how to put back the light in my eyes

I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed

Cause you broke all your promises

And now you're back

You don't get to get me back

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

And who do you think you are

Running 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

Don't come back for me

Don't come back at all

Who do you think you are

Christina Perri -- Jar of Hearts

I Was Just Thinking

...maybe if I got shoes like these,

...I'd be set for life. 

Think about it...help a girl out. 

Breathe. Sigh.

Man, I love these kids...but sometimes, I just feel like this:

I can feel it...can you?

For a while now, I've felt like this: 

 
 

 At a stop, with nowhere to go.

 

 
Hoping to find the place/people that are the perfect fit.

Now, it just seems there are so many options...

...and no direction. 

That is freeing. And absolutely terrifying all at the same time. 

Which really makes me realize that this...

...couldn't be more true. 


I'm excited, nervous, scared, ready and willing for the next step. Lord, let me be patient and graceful as you mold and shape me into the woman you want me to be. 

Change is coming. And I can feel it.

You've captured my heart...

I've started back at the beginning of the Bible,

making my way through the Word in a year.  

           I'm not going to lie...I thought it would be a 

           painstaking process, but I've really enjoyed 

           every moment I've spent digging in.

I made a promise to myself that I

  would wholeheartedly seek out what

God has for me . And that I would allow

      it to change me...word by word. And it has.

In the beginning God created

the heavens and the earth.

genesis 1:1

"I will make you into a great nation and I 

will bless you; I will make your name great, and you

will be a blessing...and all peoples on earth will be

blessed through you."

genesis 12:2, 3b

 

Then the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old? Is anything too hard for the Lord?...

Genesis 18:13, 14a 

                                                          "I am with you and will watch over

                                                          you wherever you go, and I will bring

                                                          you back to this land. I will not leave you

                                                           until I have done what I promised you." 

                                                            genesis 28:15 

  

"You intended to harm me, 

but God intended it for good

to accomplish what is now

being done, the saving of 

many lives. 

Genesis 50:10

           (of the Israelites)...But the more they were oppressed,

                                     the more they multiplied and spread...Exodus 1:12a

The Israelites groaned in their

slavery and cried out, and their

cry for help because of their

slavery went up to God. God heard

their groaning and he remembered

his covenant with Abraham , with

Isaac and with Jacob. So God looked

on the Israelites and was concerned

about them.

exodus 2:23b-25  

                     The Lord said, "Who gave

               man his mouth? Who makes him

              deaf or mute? Who gives him sight

            or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord?

             Now go; I will help you speak and will
                         teach you what to say."

                              exodus 4:11-12

I am two days into Exodus and I'm contemplating just reading the whole book...it's that good. 

Honestly, I can't wait to see what God has in store for me through the reading of His word.

take me home...

For the last few years, I've been wondering when and how to get out of Illinois. And when I use the words "get out," it seems horrible to me...but that's what I want to do...get. out. I've missed community and fellowship. I've missed accountability, encouragement and learning from others. And I'm ready for that again...

I've been praying and talking a lot with friends about where to go and what to do, and ultimately, it comes down to the same thing...maybe I just need to go and trust that God will be wherever I choose. Maybe this is one of those times where He's given me the go-ahead and I just need to take a step on faith and see what's in store for me. I'm beyond scared about that, but I believe that God is who he says and I'm ready to see faith put into action.

If that's the case...these are cities I've put on a list. And this list of cities is strictly based on where I have a base of friends. Cities where, if I lived there, I could plug in somewhat easily and feel a part of things. 

(in no particular order)

Dallas, Texas

 Atlanta, Georgia

Fresno, California

N

New Orleans, Louisiana 

N

Nashville, Tennessee

Again, this list of cities is solely based on having a pocket of friends there already. Right now, I'm praying hard that God would show me where He has me...and if not, one of these days (soon), I'm going to make a decision and trust that He'll take care of me wherever I am.

from the journal (8.18.10)

Then the Lord said to Abram, "Why did Sarah

laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that

I am old?' Is anything too hard for the Lord?"

Genesis 18:13-14a

I know my problem is a lack of faith. 

Like Sarah, I laugh at the thought of God being able to do something rather 

than actually believing HE IS MORE THAN ABLE.

And not only do I laugh, I lie about it when called out. 

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

He knows my thoughts, my motives.

He knows my past, present, and future. 

He knows my hurts, struggles and shortcomings.

He knows my triumphs, my joy, and my love. 

He knows my sin. 

He knows my heart.

He knows.

Is anything too hard for the Lord?

Now, it's all about believing. 

Really believing that nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:39).

Knowing, in faith, that nothing is too hard for the Lord. 

...help. me. believe.